Julie Brandon
Fading Fast
Claire sighed heavily. “It’s just a feeling, okay?” She shifted around in her chair. She didn’t know how to explain it, but people kept insisting that she try. “I can’t be the only person in the entire world to feel this way.” Dr. Sherman made a few notes on a yellow legal pad. He nodded.
“I didn’t say that, Claire. I’m trying to get a better understanding.”
The doctor’s office looked like all the others she had been in. Brown leather furniture, beige carpeting, a big desk and non-threatening art prints on the walls. Even Dr. Sherman looked like the others. Balding, slightly overweight, and soft spoken. It’s like there was a factory somewhere churning out middle-aged psychiatrists. Claire stretched out her legs. She’d been there for quite a while and her back was stiff.
“Do you mind if I walk around a little while we talk?” she asked.
“Of course not. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”
Claire began to pace. “I can feel my edges blurring. One day soon I’ll just disappear. Invisible. Poof.”
The doctor watched her as she walked back and forth. This was a very interesting case. Claire had a delusion that he hadn’t come across before.
“What I’m hearing you say is that you believe that one day you’ll become invisible. Is this correct?”
Claire shook her head as she made another circuit of the small office. “No. Belief has nothing to do with it. It’s a fact. I know it deep within my soul.” She flung herself back into the chair. “It’s not complicated. One moment I’ll be here and then I won’t.” Dr. Sherman made more notes.
“Kind of like a balloon?” he asked.
Claire shook her head, long blonde hair swinging. “Nothing that dramatic. No loud noise. Just gone.”
“Do you know where you’re going?”
Claire shrugged. “I think I’ll still be here but in a different dimension, if that makes any sense.”
Up until last year, Claire’s life had been uneventful. She finished high school and went off to college like the rest of her friends. Once she earned her degree, she took a job in the city. It was a decent job, not exciting but okay. Everything was normal until the day she realized that she was fading. At first, she thought she was just tired. Claire cut back a bit on the partying and tried to get more sleep. The feeling didn’t go away. If anything, it got stronger.
Then one day she looked down at her hands. Her fingertips looked as though they were melting. She was afraid to mention it to anyone. She got her eyes checked but her contact lens prescription was fine. Finally, Claire made an appointment with her primary care physician. He ran some tests, all of which came back normal and suggested she talk to a psychiatrist. Claire resisted until the day her right foot became almost translucent. Maybe it was in her head. She didn’t think so but figured a consultation wouldn’t hurt. Dr. Sherman was the third psychiatrist she had seen. The first two tried to prescribe psych meds but she wouldn’t take them. She wasn’t crazy.
“Can you tell me about your relationship with your parents?” Dr. Sherman looked expectantly at her.
Claire could feel impatience rising in her. “Questions, questions. All you people do is ask questions. What I need, Doctor, are answers.”
Dr. Sherman smiled faintly. “Yes, I know that, but my job is to help you find the answers. I can’t do that until I know you better.” He glanced at Claire’s file. Her visits with the other psychiatrists had been carefully documented. He wanted to delve into the reasons for her delusions, not just medicate them away. “Do your parents live nearby?”
Claire stood up abruptly and began pacing again. “I have no relationship with my parents. It’s kind of hard to do when they’re gone.” Dr. Sherman scanned her files again.
“When did they pass away?” he asked. Claire stopped mid-stride and turned to face him.
“I never said they were dead. I said they were gone. Disappeared. Invisible.” Interesting, the doctor thought.
“Just like you’re going to do?”
Claire perched on the edge of his desk, swinging her right foot. “Yes. Maybe it’s a weird genetic trait. I don’t know. But one day they were just gone. Poof.”
The doctor found this even more intriguing. Nothing in Claire’s files mentioned that she had been orphaned. He hoped that he could get to the bottom of this and help her. Of course, her case study would also make a fine paper for the next psychiatric association convention.
“When did you last see your parents? Before they became invisible, I mean.”
Claire stood before the doctor. “Really? Is that some kind of pathetic attempt at humor? I certainly can’t see them now that they are invisible.”
Dr. Sherman held up his hands. “No, it was simply a poor choice of words. My apologies.”
Sitting back down in her chair, Claire tried to relax. “I saw them last May. It was my mother’s birthday, and we went out to dinner.” Dr. Sherman nodded. “My mom looked tired, and she said that she was just fading away, then she and Dad just laughed. I talked to her almost every day but that night as we said goodbye, she held me tight and told me to stay strong.” Claire stared at her hands. “I didn’t think anything of it but the next day she didn’t answer her phone.” Claire was silent for a moment. “After a few days of not being able to reach her, I stopped by their house after work. They were gone.” Dr. Sherman studied Claire’s face. “They never came home. They just vanished.” Claire continued to stare at her hands.
“Did you contact the police?” the doctor asked.
Nodding her head, Claire said, “Of course I did. They said there weren’t any signs of foul play. Their credit cards hadn’t been used. The cars were in the garage. They said people wander off all the time. Closed case.” She took a deep breath. “That’s when I realized they had disappeared, traveled somewhere else. But sometimes I can feel them, so they must be invisible. Just like I’m going to be.”
Dr. Sherman felt a small shiver of excitement. This case was even better than he thought. No patient this interesting had come to see him in years. He stood up. “Would you like a bottle of cold water, Claire?” She just nodded. All her nervous energy had dissipated.
“Sure. Thanks.”
As Dr. Sherman opened his office door, he glanced back at Claire. She looked so worn out. He hoped that he could help her. Damn it, he would help her. After grabbing two bottles of water from the breakroom refrigerator, he went back to his office. It was empty. Claire had left. Dr. Sherman was disappointed. Hopefully she’ll return for another appointment. He would have his assistant reach out to her tomorrow to set one up.
He pulled out his desk chair and sat down. He thought about how the trauma of her parents’ obvious deaths had caused Claire to create the delusion that they were merely invisible. Finally, a case he could really sink his teeth into. As he took a sip from his water bottle, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. The pen on his desk floated over the legal pad he had been making notes on and began to write. Dr. Sherman was a logical man but at that moment was frozen with fear. The pen stopped writing and floated back to the desktop. He leaned over to read the word. Written in large block letters was one word.
Poof.