THE LAST RIDE TO RUDIOSO
(The year is 2021. I’m sitting at my computer in Tel Aviv, Israel. A notebook from 1977 is before me. Inside it are words I wrote long ago. Our house in Vermont burned down in 1975. Larry built a new house but he wanted to get away. So we drove across country to visit his friend in Bisbee, Arizona)
Slept in people’s driveway last night
the dogs barked whenever we’d come out of the truck
didn’t see how angry the mother was
about not going to Rudioso
didn’t see about how all three of them said
when you’re un-happy we’re unhappy
didn’t see the children say
when we grow up mama we’ll make
money and take you to Rudioso.
didn’t see the mother plotting
how she would get up in the middle of the night
and leave anyway
didn’t see the father
sleeping on her pocket book and coat
didn’t see the mother
wake up in the middle of the night and remember
the child say – when you’re unhappy I’m unhappy –
and go back to sleep.
**
first nite on the road they slept in a rest area at the Continental Divide
next day feeling the New Mexico sand
and a rabbit running across when they stopped.
Rudioso will be a mythical place
I never went back to
it would have been friendly
I would have found something there
I would have gotten a job at the “Inn of the Mountain of the Gods”
why go into the fact
that Athabaskan is a language of the
Hungarians and the Apaches
and so long ago the tribes
of Abraham and the tribes
of the Apache might have
been cousins,
why bother with the fact
that I was pulled toward Rudioso
it wasn’t a good road for an old truck
it wasn’t the best road
or the best weather
New Mexico I love you,
the mixture of sadness and delight in your landscape
We ran up a sandy hill
and down again
screaming with joy
and wind blowing our hair.
Pueblo isn’t an Indian word meaning ancient ruins
Pueblo is an Indian village of one- story concrete houses
faced in stucco mesas (buttes)
rising like pyramids near Santa Fe
gateway to the pretty city
Santa Fe,
a loaf of bread bought from Indian women
who sell jewelry.
Lesson for today
don’t open two doors at once in the wind
or you’ll get blown away
under the sunny sky flat plains stretch
Larry’s got the second wind
me too feeling better
maybe we’ll travel all night
thru Texas
you my date on this Saturday night?
tomorrow is Passover
and a full moon in Libra
you my date?
and we’ll go riding all night
until tomorrow.
the first thing you see
when you cross the Texas border
are cottonwood trees
for a little while
didn’t I poke into your gravy biscuit world
breakfast and cowboy hats
and country tunes played on the jukebox
Texas
crossroads of America
a little country in your manner,
hard rock on the radio
and streamlined roads
I kiss my daughter
and slap her down
because I think she’s thinking
I’m gonna do better than you guys
well maybe it would be nice to stay in motels
but just as good
is us four sleeping side by side
in back of the van.
and maybe I’m being unfair
maybe she thinks that
and thinks also
how lucky I am to have two parents
so many kids don’t
and yet didn’t I
lay on the floor
in the automat
screaming
because they didn’t have lambchops
and criticize my mother
because toothpaste
was stuck to the sink
Texas skyscraper – silo
the silo in Wildorado
looked like a crushed tin can
old panhandle skyscraper
its natural
and I’m foolish
to expect my children
to emulate what I am
stopping mid day
each day
the sun makes you tired
it’s nice at nite cool
‘the car likes it too,’ he says
it feels lonely
being in a town
where you don’t know
anybody
on a stormy night
friendlier this morning
in the sun
good ‘n hungry
with cup of coffee in my stomach
heading out
Anne bought a ball
stayed in a motel
last night
now we’re headin’ out
\
Roseanne’s sad
and that makes me sad too
her eyes look dull
is she thinking about her friends
and how different she is
from the girls in Glover?
I feel spring
in Oklahoma
flowering trees
if only Roseanne was
flowering
and not sad.
if one is unhappy
we all feel it
Larry said.
We gonna follow spring children
we gonna follow spring
I’m tired too –
don’t know what awaits me
Evil and good
will not hide
sleeping along the
Bisbee roadside
once you get in a
place you can
always get in
again but you
can’t always get
out
Larry’s driving
and I’m sitting here thinking
the radios working now
we’ve spent past two nites in motels
ran into tornadoes
and windy rain
a blown tire today
but it worked out ok
Larry’s good he’s the driver.
I’ve decided to give up
ownership of land and all the responsibility it entails
and move into this garage in Tennessee,
it’s nice
the bathroom is warm and clean,
the sinks are new
In the garage part – you know, where the men sit
there is candy and coffee machines
it’s got ‘jes about everything.
A lady just knocked on the door of my bathroom
I said “who is it?”
She said “Is this a one or a two?”
I counted the toilets there were two
I said ‘It’s a two”.
I wanted to be friendly. I said
“Are you on the road? I am too
That’s why I’m doin’ everythin’ this morning”.
I was putting on makeup. She left.
Then there was another knock
Her friend. When I opened the door
she said “Sorry.”
You see how easy it is to move in.
You just have to be there.
I walked out.
But it’s still too cool
for me to be up and about
my family’s still sleeping
Guess with me gone
they got more room.
Some men looked at me strange like.
But it don’ matter
I can always go back to my room.
Cep’ I’m getting a little restless
wish people didn’t sleep so long.
I sure wish I could sit in the garage part
where the men sit and listen to some music
and maybe even have a conversation.
But the man who’s there now
don seem as loose as the one
who was there before
He seems older and mebbe a little tighter
it’s just a thing you notice about how someone walks
an’ my family is jes’ sleepin’ and sleepin’
and it’s still cold out
I feel a chill against my legs
when I step out this door.
Decided to go in the room part
of the garage where the men sit
I jes’ get to feelin’ too lonely
and stifled in the bathroom.
you can’t see out nowhere
Well, the man was goin’ in
an I give him a little smile
an he turns like mebbe
he’s seen me an mebbe he don’t.
So I go on to the car and look in
and they all still sleepin’
Soon they’ll be up. it’s getting warmer
then there’ll be the foldin’ of the blankets
the kids’ll squabble as usual.
We’ll put some hot coffee in the thermos
the kids got juice and bread and oranges
an I guess we’ll be off
Guess I aint gonna move
into this bathroom anyways
There was another knock
I looked out.
At first I didn’t see no one
then I saw my husband.
He said “Hi sweetie.”
He was goin to the men’s room
It sounded nice the way he said hi sweetie
and the air feels cool and warm at the same time.
Redbud trees
along the highway
a Tennessee garage attendant
notices a loose bolt
it’s chilly
we don’t seem to be following spring
western winds seem to be following us.
Cloud’s Truckstop Rockwood, Tennessee
used to be dirty but now the air is
stop in your place long enuf to
exchange a few words
buy a few trinkets
you say your’n and
I say yours
you wear long sideburns
and you say we don’ look
as if we come from around here.
Three great cities in Tennessee
Knoxville, Nashville and Memphis
The Memphis Belle, Knoxville the industrial armpit
and Nashville the he-man pumpin’ gas
and strumin’ a guitar
Memphis tryin’ to catch the rock n roll market,
Nashville the music city and country sound
Loretta Lynn selling clothing
and her dude ranch from billboards
Redbud trees blooming everywhere
Baptist churches
and sex coloring books.
Sex used to be dirty but now air is they say
at the truck stop at Rockwoon, Tennessee.