10-Age of Reason

What is the best age

for a child to have cancer?

Should I be grateful

that my boy was stricken

when he was old enough

to understand?

On the cancer ward,

I watch the other children,

the sobbing babies,

in their uncomprehending agony;

the giggling toddlers

in the bright red wagons;

the preschoolers

who drive around in plastic cars,

as their parents follow,

pulling their IV poles;

the 7-year-olds struggling

with their schoolwork.

For them, the distress vanishes

with the pain.

There is no dread of the next time,

and the next time,

and the prospect

of no next time.

Then come the teens, like mine,

who do their best to look cool

(in spite of their baldness and frailty)

and ignore each other

as they pace the halls,

ravaged

both by chemo

and the knowledge

of exactly

what they’re up against.

Around come the volunteer

who performs magic tricks

and the chirpy homework helper,

who offer my child

no solace at all.